Coalition for Family Harmony’s program manager provides education on teen dating violence

In 2010, Congress declared Feb. as National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month to educate and advocate on dating abuse, especially among teens. According to the Pew Research Center, 35% of teens have experienced romantic relationships. Additionally, teens ages 15 to 17 are more likely to have experienced a romantic relationship and engage in sexual activity.

Considering that over one-third of teens have had dating experience, education on healthy relationships and violence prevention has the potential to influence teen dating and by extension, adult relationships. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, intimate partner violence in adolescents is considered teen dating violence and can start early. In their 2016-17 National Intimate Partner Violence Survey, 16 million women and 11 million men reported experiencing intimate partner violence before turning 18.

Rowan Niederst ‘27 said, “It can be very easy to miss because it’s not brought up a lot in schooling. You don’t learn about it. I didn’t learn about it in health class. I didn’t learn about it in any classes I’ve had and I’m almost graduating. And yet, I know that [teen dating violence] is there but it’s just kind of brushed off.”

Sandy Gomez, the manager of Coalition’s rape crisis and LGBTQ+ program, said, “[It’s] important to create these welcoming spaces like the wellness centers to talk openly about how this is happening…[Students] have the right to be treated with dignity and respect, that they have the right to change their mind…People can start off with an enthusiastic yes and you have the right to change your mind. A lot of [teens] don’t know that…It’s important that adults support these conversations. If adults are not creating welcoming spaces for students and youth to feel comfortable sharing what their needs are, we’re doing a disservice.”

Coalition for Family Harmony, located at 1000 Town Center Drive in Oxnard, is one resource in Ventura County for victims of violence. Their website provides resources as well as educational resources on multiple types of violence, including teen dating violence.

Gomez said, “Coalition’s mission is to make sure that we are addressing cycles of violence by disrupting them and supporting victims that have been affected by sexual and intimate partner violence…We do that by doing prevention education, making sure that we are advocating for our most vulnerable communities [and] working to support mental illness in our communities.”

As the manager of these two programs, Gomez works with the LGBTQ+ community and victims of sexual violence.

Gomez said, “LGBTQ+ communities disproportionately experience higher numbers of sexual and intimate partner violence, particularly transgender and gender expansive folks…It’s important for me to be well-rounded in current research and studies affecting the diversity of communities.”

According to CAWC, LGBTQ+ communities experience “at equal rates or higher” of domestic violence than cisgender and heterosexual individuals. Additionally, CAWC says domestic violence is a “critical issue for communities of color” due to systemic factors that prevent them from seeking help.

Gomez said, “There’s not a lot of support for honoring a lot of trans and non-binary folks and that can improve right down to not respecting pronouns, not respecting chosen names…Being part of a minoritized racial group where you experience racism is also going to affect your mental wellness, your self esteem…Depending on socioeconomic class, you might not have access to certain resources…[Which] is why I also like to talk about the free counseling that [Coalition offers.]”

Unhealthy relationships can result in isolation and depression which really [affects] not just physical but also the mental wellness which for youth, is going to prevent them from being able to thrive,” said Gomez.

Intimate partner violence for both adults and teens is categorized into four types of abuse. These are emotional, physical and sexual abuse as well as threats of abuse.

Gomez said emotional abuse “can be very damaging. It’s all negatively affecting our confidence, our self-esteem. [When] we have low self-esteem, that can put us in a more vulnerable position to be taken advantage of by folks, especially our harm-doers, when we don’t think we deserve to be treated with respect and dignity…[Sexual violence] is any unwanted touch, however slight, without consent…And it doesn’t matter that if that touch happened last night, a month [or] 10 years ago.”

Unhealthy dating relationships can stem from teens not having a good model for what a healthy relationship looks like according to Gomez.

Gomez said, “I know that for a lot of us, myself included, unhealthy behavior was normalized in our family so we might not know that the behavior that we are participating in or that we’re at the receiving end of is actually unhealthy…Particularly, I would say youth that are coming from more marginalized communities like myself, we were socialized to say yes to everything. Learning to hear the sound of our voice, learning to establish boundaries could be harder for us.”

Growing up with unhealthy models of relationships can make it seem normal. Because of this, people growing up with unhealthy relationships may “gravitate to a partner who is also embracing those behaviors,” said Gomez.

Having lack of education on unhealthy relationships and dating violence can also normalize abusive behaviors.

Gomez said, “We need proactive allyship and we need to have more public conversations around dating violence because I’m sure that if I were to hang out [at school,] I would probably see a whole bunch of stuff happening that can go unnoticed, like pinching behind the arms because one partner doesn’t like what another partner is doing.”

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, the average number of times survivors of abuse return back to their abusive partners is seven.

Gomez said, “We are here to support survivors and whatever their decision is. Even if it’s their decision to go back to their harm-doer…One of the best things that we can do as an advocate or as a friend is keep open communication with that particular person. Keep reminding them that you’re here for them.”

Niederst said, “I feel like a lot of it could be helped if kids knew more about the fact that there was someone there, that they could have a place to go to and that it wasn’t normal because for a lot of teens, it’s their first time dating. So sometimes you don’t recognize the signs until it’s too late and then there’s been permanent damage.”